I Am a Feminist

The Feminine Mystique, written by Betty Friedan, was published in 1963.  I don't believe I read it that early on, but I'm pretty sure my mom bought it when it was first published, so I would have seen it in our house.  I probably read it around 1971 or 1972, when I was 23 or 24 years old, and I was caught up in the feminist movement of that time.  I could see how this book would have been very meaningful for my mother.  She was one of the smartest women I've ever known, but she didn't finish her bachelor's degree (from George Washington University) until she was in her 40s, and she earned her master's degree (from the University of Chicago) when she was in her 50s.

My mother was born in 1916 in White Earth, North Dakota.  She spent her early years in Wabasha, Minnesota, but then she was sent to live with her "maiden" aunts in Washington State. Aunt Mae and Aunt Marge were both teachers, and when I visited Wabasha during the years my parents lived there after retiring, I was told by some of the "old folks" that my mother had been sent to live with her aunts because her potential was not ever going to be met if she stayed in her mother's household.  I think it was the right decision.

My mother graduated at a young age from high school and returned to Minnesota where she completed enough education to become a one-room, rural school teacher at the age of 16.  (At that time, I believe teachers only needed two years of education beyond high school; she attended teacher's college in Winona, Minnesota). Eventually, my mother began taking courses at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, and that is where she met my father.  He was earning a master's degree after having graduated from Boston University.  He thought she was smart and funny -- just what he was looking for in a wife.  Oh, and she could cook.

So, to make a long story short, Mom dropped out of college to marry Dad.  When I read The Feminine Mystique, I felt like I understood a lot of undercurrents in my parents' marriage -- Mom seemed to be unsatisfied so much of the time.  I realized how frustrating it must have been for her to be so smart and (eventually) educated and yet to always be the one who was responsible for "running the home."  Her job never ended.  At the end of the day, Dad would sit in his comfy chair in the living room and smoke his pipe and read, while Mom graded papers and did housework!  I can remember her doing laundry late at night -- by then Dad would be sitting at the piano, playing for hours.  I never questioned what that must have been like for her until I read Friedan's book.

When I moved to Texas in 1974 to go to graduate school, I was shocked (and amazed) to find out that if a woman declared herself to be a feminist, it was assumed that 1) she was a lesbian, and 2) she hated men!!!  I can remember laughing about this at first and then getting annoyed as hell. 

Feminism is mainly focused on women's issues, but because feminism seeks gender equality, some feminists argue that men's liberation is therefore a necessary part of feminism, and that men are also harmed by sexism and gender roles. (from Wikipedia)

 This is how I also see feminism -- as a feminist, I am not against anyone.  I want equality for all.